You just  ust did WHAT to those collards?

Down a Carolina Road . . . we like our Collard Greens!

Say it isn’t so . . . I cannot believe my eyes.    That is exactly what I was thinking as I watched a morning news show on Thanksgiving morning.  The featured host was preparing a Thanksgiving “traditional” dinner.  I will not mention her name because she is incredibly popular and extremely talented and the craftiest diva that has ever lived on earth.  However, as much as I admire her for many of her recipes, crafts, decorating, gardening and awesome entrepreneurial spirit, I have to say she got the collard greens all wrong!

I was going along with most of her meal and side dishes and thinking it was a bit different but an interesting concept and twist to the traditional meal.  I even embraced the idea of a maple syrup glaze on the roasted bird. . . sounded like a good idea, that is if you have already drained off those drippings from the pan for your dressing preparation.  The creamed potatoes consisted of two cheeses, garlic and butter . . . I can even go along with that twist on the taters. 

Having endorsed the meal in my mind thus far, I was anxious to keep watching.  But then, oh no she didn’t . . .  the preparation of the collard greens made my jaw drop and I declare that I simultaneously heard the sound of thunder from many a southern cooks roll over in their graves.  She sautéed the chopped greens in onion and other spices – only till they turned bright green, then drowned them with a hazelnut glaze.  Just a few minutes or so and then said they are ready.  What?  Are you kidding me!

I am not sure if everyone will agree with me, but the only glazing collard greens need is from a good country ham, bacon, or other divine pork meat.  Now granted, this might be just my opinion only and if you disagree you may want to stop reading this post right now.  But if you agree that those traditional collard greens enjoyed in the south with some fatback, bacon drippings, or boiled red ham is perfect and simply

 heaven on a

 plate . . . then keep reading. 

It occurred to me that the art of cooking collards is possibly becoming a lost art.  If you live in the south, this is a staple to Sunday dinner at Grandma’s house and a given at a southerner’s Thanksgiving spread.  Those church homecoming dinners would be NOTHING without the greens!  I know some may prefer the green bean casseroles, and yes that is very delicious and us southerners like that too, but you can’t beat those collard greens!

Today as I cooked my traditional collard greens – two dinner pots full, I thought I would share with you what little bit I know about cooking this southern delicacy.  It ranks right up there with boiled peanuts to me – but we’ll save that discussion for another time.

Many people think that cooking collards is hard to do.  It really is not.  Although I have had some mess of collards that turn out better than others, none of the batches have ever been thrown out the back door.  I think a lot of our mothers and grandmothers often liked for us to think it was so hard so they could earn the rightful respect they should be given for preparing them.  While it is time consuming, it is not too difficult. 

So here goes . . . my simple attempt to share the basics . . . just in case you want to know.  No – I am not an expert collard cooker – but I sure like trying.  Don’t be shy – give it a try!

You Need

About six bunches of collard greens – found in the produce aisle wrapped up with a rubber band.  Sometimes they are sold loose – in that case just bag up two of those large produce bags with collards.

This is one bunch bundled in rubber band . . .I usually get about six - seven for two dinner pots full to cook

2 dinner pots

Seasoning – this could be almost any kind of cured pork meat sold in the meat section.  Cured country hams, Bacon, Side meat, neck bones, ham hocks,  or if you are health conscious – skip that and just use a cup of olive oil – I have tried this and it is not that bad – you just need more salt and pepper added for your seasoning.  Some folks like to boil a “red” ham – save the broth and use it to cook the greens.  Some will fry bacon and use the bacon dripping, yes the fat!  Today, I cooked bacon because I needed some for another dish I was making.  So – TWO packages of bacon it is then.

Got to love the bacon!  Two packages were used to get the drippings a..k.a.  bacon grease for seasoning

First –

Wash those greens really good.  I wash them twice.  Then here is the fun part – NOW you STRIP!  No no no – keep your clothes on folks!  You strip those greens right off the stems.  Those stems can be very chewy, stringy and tough.  The leaves will cook to death before those thick stems get tender.  So throw them out.

Hold the stem in one hand and just strip the leaf off . . . then discard the stems.  Now THIS is stripping! 

I like to wash mine after I have "stripped".  Wash them at least twice and discard any bad looking leaves and check for things that do not belong like a stray weed or a bug.  Not likely you will find any - but just double check . . . old folks call this "looking collards" because you are going to wash each leaf and look it over. 

Second –

I like to put the greens in the dinner pots without any water at all.   Fill them up to ¾ full with greens.   Now fill the pots with that broth or drippings – just pour it right over the collards.  Or if you are using bacon fat add that now and fill pots with water.  I have heard of folks cooking their greens in chicken broth – but I have never tried it, would be a healthy alternative.

Third –

Place on burner on high.  When they start shrinking and get to a boil you will see how much additional water you will need.  You do not want to dilute this seasoning water too much because it will dilute the flavoring you need to season them well.  Trust me, I have done this before.   Turn them down to a slow simmer, the slower they cook the more flavor they will soak up.  You want to cook them until they are tender.  Today my two pots took about a couple of hours on a slow simmer.  Just enough time for a quick nap!

Fourth –

When they are done, let them cool a bit – right in the pots.  Once cooled enough, you want to drain them in a colander in the sink.  Let them drain well.  Use a spatula or even a small plate to press the liquid from them.  Then I like to return them to my stainless steel pot and chop them with “a collard chopper” – well at least that is what my mama and grandma called it – but it really is just a vegetable chopper, but cannot recall them ever using it to chop anything else!

See ...I told you they would shrink - those two pots reduced down to this!  Press out all the extra liquid.  You can also use a small desert plate to push down the liquid through the colander.  Once drained well, I return them to the stainless steel pot (not a non stick pan - that surface may flake off from the chopping) and chop them.

Chop them up. . . as you can see they were still steaming when I did this . . . be careful!  I saw my mama "scald" her hand one time draining hot collards . . . you really should let them cool more than I did.

You have now created a southern delicacy that we southerners love to share with our families.   I am sure that out there somewhere someone is saying – “so that is how you cook collards” and I am sure there is someone saying “I don’t cook mine like that”.  Well folks there are only three important things involved in cooking collards – 1) wash them well 2) Season well 3) make sure they are cooked tender.  Lastly, do not over season with salt and pepper – that can be added later. . . but never taken away.  Heck, a friend of mine cooks them in plain water and then she pours bacon grease over them and adds a little salt and pepper and lets them marinade overnight in the fridge – and I have had them and they are good too!  

Don’t be shy . . . give it a try!